1 00:00:08,166 --> 00:00:10,376 She was the jealous type and 2 00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:11,748 I used to cheat on her. 3 00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,464 A relationship feels like two people 4 00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:17,082 carrying a couch up a flight of stairs, 5 00:00:17,166 --> 00:00:20,036 and every year is another flight of stairs. 6 00:00:20,125 --> 00:00:24,075 And you're at the bottom and sometimes you're like, 7 00:00:24,166 --> 00:00:25,826 "I don't got it." 8 00:00:25,917 --> 00:00:27,377 And she's like, "Push!" and you're like... 9 00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:29,168 [chuckling] "You need someone stronger." 10 00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:32,210 [laid-back jazz music] 11 00:00:32,291 --> 00:00:33,381 ♪ ♪ 12 00:00:33,458 --> 00:00:36,378 [indistinct chatter] 13 00:00:36,458 --> 00:00:43,668 ♪ ♪ 14 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:49,665 - Can I get you a water, buddy? - Uh, yeah. 15 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:54,250 And, uh, put bourbon in it and leave out the water. 16 00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:58,785 Nothing? Yeah? I thought it was funny. 17 00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:00,535 - You all right? 18 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,955 - Yeah, everything's fine. 19 00:01:04,041 --> 00:01:06,921 [dissonant tonal crescendo] 20 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,000 - Everything is not okay with us. 21 00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:10,793 - Everything is fine. 22 00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:12,455 - I can't do this anymore, Michael. 23 00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,132 - What? Can't do what? What are you talking about? 24 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,078 - This. 25 00:01:15,166 --> 00:01:17,286 Whether this is, I'm done. 26 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:19,575 - You know, that's... 27 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:20,787 forget it. - Say it. 28 00:01:20,875 --> 00:01:22,125 - No, forget it. 29 00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:23,578 - This is what I'm talking about, Michael. 30 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,167 You never tell me how you actually feel. 31 00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,710 - Because every time I tell you, 32 00:01:26,792 --> 00:01:29,292 you freak out and start swinging, remember? 33 00:01:29,375 --> 00:01:30,705 - Doesn't that tell you something? 34 00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:33,132 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:35,168 - It's on me, brother. 36 00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:37,040 - Thank you. 37 00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:38,125 Brother. 38 00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:41,208 [spacey guitar music building] 39 00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:42,381 ♪ ♪ 40 00:01:42,458 --> 00:01:45,878 [pensive bass line] 41 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,079 - ♪ No matter how hard you try ♪ 42 00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:52,496 ♪ You can't stop me now ♪ 43 00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:54,748 [indistinct excited chatter] 44 00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:57,174 - Okay. Hey, everybody. Calm down. 45 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,830 Let's get in our seats. 46 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:00,327 All right, kids. 47 00:02:00,417 --> 00:02:03,167 Today, we have a very special guest joining us 48 00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:06,250 to talk about the dangers of addiction. 49 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:07,753 They're all yours. 50 00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:10,788 - Thank you. 51 00:02:13,875 --> 00:02:15,125 Hello, kids. 52 00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:17,038 My name is Mr. Clarence, 53 00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:20,205 And I grew up a regular kid just like all of you. 54 00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:23,331 Hanging with my friends, going to parties, 55 00:02:23,417 --> 00:02:25,417 getting into trouble. 56 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,920 But sometimes, 57 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,790 things that seem like harmless fun 58 00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,495 can lead to a serious addiction. 59 00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:33,883 That's what happened to me. 60 00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:35,629 - Was you addicted to drugs? 61 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:36,539 - No. 62 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:38,035 I can quit drugs anytime. 63 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,415 Sometimes, I go two days without getting high. 64 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:44,210 I got hooked on something much more dangerous than drugs. 65 00:02:44,291 --> 00:02:48,041 I became to addicted to something called... 66 00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:54,495 Hoes. 67 00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,753 [riotous laughter] 68 00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:58,174 Shut up! [silence] 69 00:02:58,250 --> 00:02:59,580 This shit ain't funny. 70 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:01,877 - Hey, hey, everybody relax. Everybody settle. 71 00:03:01,959 --> 00:03:05,039 Hey, man, what the hell are you doing? 72 00:03:05,125 --> 00:03:06,575 - I'm sharing my story of addiction, 73 00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:08,707 but these children started laughing at me. 74 00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:10,542 - All good, man. Just chill out. 75 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,035 We were just expecting you 76 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,535 to talk about more traditional addictions 77 00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:15,075 like drugs and alcohol. 78 00:03:15,166 --> 00:03:17,746 - But that stuff is not the real problem. 79 00:03:17,834 --> 00:03:21,464 Research shows that hoes are the number one cause 80 00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:24,292 of all misery and destructive behavior. 81 00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,535 - What research? 82 00:03:25,625 --> 00:03:27,205 - My research! 83 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,131 I been sitting at home for months thinking about this shit 84 00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:32,378 and I realized that before hoes came into my life, 85 00:03:32,458 --> 00:03:33,958 I was fine. 86 00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:35,461 - I don't think you should be here talking to children. 87 00:03:35,542 --> 00:03:36,792 - So you gonna take her side? 88 00:03:36,875 --> 00:03:38,915 - Whose side? - You don't get it, man. 89 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,460 I lost everything. 90 00:03:40,542 --> 00:03:44,752 My house, my money, my friends, I lost my damn mind, 91 00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:47,084 all 'cause of hoes! - Hey. 92 00:03:47,166 --> 00:03:48,496 You need to not call women that. 93 00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,173 - I'm not talking about "women." 94 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,210 All rectangles are not squares. 95 00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:53,961 - What? - Let me explain. 96 00:03:54,041 --> 00:03:55,291 According to the research... 97 00:03:55,375 --> 00:03:57,125 - Are you drunk right now? 98 00:03:57,208 --> 00:03:59,958 - I had me a little taste just to level me out before-- 99 00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:01,881 - No, no, you need to go. 100 00:04:01,959 --> 00:04:03,289 - Don't you remember what it was like? 101 00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:04,455 - What what was like? 102 00:04:04,542 --> 00:04:06,542 - Before hoes. Come on, man. 103 00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:08,455 You know what I mean. [soft dramatic music] 104 00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:10,082 Remember when it was just you and your buddies 105 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:13,456 riding your bike, playing in the dirt, 106 00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,462 not a care in the world. 107 00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:17,672 Remember how happy we were? 108 00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:19,830 Don't you wish you could go back? 109 00:04:19,917 --> 00:04:21,537 That's why I'm here. 110 00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:23,325 To warn these children 111 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:26,327 so they can grow up to be better than us. 112 00:04:26,417 --> 00:04:29,787 I look in they little faces and I see myself. 113 00:04:29,875 --> 00:04:31,625 Especially in that one. 114 00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:33,789 Hey, kid. What's your mama name? 115 00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:34,995 - Denise Jones. 116 00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:37,003 - And what's your daddy name? 117 00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:38,463 - I don't know. 118 00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:41,172 - Oh, no. [dissonant tonal crescendo] 119 00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:43,670 [school bell rings] 120 00:04:44,041 --> 00:04:45,421 - A lot of stuff you learned in school 121 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:46,710 you're not gonna use in the real world. 122 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:49,632 Like pi equals 3.14. 123 00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:52,379 Who the fuck tells you how big a circle is with a number? 124 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:55,748 You just use your hands. [crew laughs] 125 00:04:55,834 --> 00:04:58,884 That's what a pi is. It's about this big. 126 00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:00,999 So you're seeing somebody else? - [scoffs] 127 00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,423 I'm not even gonna answer that. 128 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,830 - Because you're seeing somebody else. 129 00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:05,207 - Because what difference does it make? 130 00:05:05,291 --> 00:05:06,671 I don't wanna be with you. - Wow. 131 00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,710 - I'm not happy. There's no passion anymore. 132 00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,712 We don't even make love. 133 00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:13,502 - I'm always tryna fuck and you're always saying no. 134 00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:14,883 - I just don't like having sex at your place 135 00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:16,459 surrounded by all your sneakers. 136 00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:17,922 - Well, I don't like having sex at your place 137 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,380 surrounded by all your candles. 138 00:05:19,458 --> 00:05:20,918 I'm not a fuckin' vampire. - Whatever. 139 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,710 I mean, you always just fall asleep anyway. 140 00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:26,332 - Because I jerk off before I get there like a gentleman. 141 00:05:26,417 --> 00:05:28,207 [quirky dramatic music] 142 00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:30,421 - Oh, no! - What happened? 143 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,080 - It happened again, huh? 144 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,536 You found the perfect video to masturbate to, 145 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,745 but you already jerked off for the night 146 00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,464 to a much worse video. 147 00:05:38,542 --> 00:05:41,042 So now you gotta wait till tomorrow to jerk off again 148 00:05:41,125 --> 00:05:43,035 or till after the next time you pee, 149 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,745 whichever comes first. 150 00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:47,084 There's got to be a better way. 151 00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:48,996 [bright upbeat music] - Hi. 152 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:50,753 I'm Dr. Thurgood Carver. 153 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:53,834 And ever since I had my license to practice medicine revoked, 154 00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:55,747 I've had a lot of time to think. 155 00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:57,424 Mostly about... 156 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,080 what if there was a pill 157 00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,746 that would give you enough energy to masturbate 158 00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:05,544 even after you just masturbated? 159 00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:06,825 I call it... 160 00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:09,787 [chimes jingle] The 2nd Chance Pill. 161 00:06:09,875 --> 00:06:12,165 Oh, there it is. [gasps softly] 162 00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:16,210 Just that size, costs $5, maybe $10? 163 00:06:16,291 --> 00:06:18,461 Would you pay for that? 164 00:06:18,542 --> 00:06:19,752 Shit, I'd pay for that. 165 00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:20,964 [chuckles] [chimes jingle] 166 00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:22,961 [upbeat music] 167 00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:24,791 - [sighs] 168 00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,375 - You got any energy left for me? 169 00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:29,038 - No. I just whacked off. I'm pretty tired. 170 00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:30,205 - Oh. 171 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,581 Well, what about the 2nd Chance Pill? 172 00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,457 - I already took it. Jacked off twice. 173 00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:36,252 - Okay, well, can you take another one for me? 174 00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:37,963 - I only have two left. 175 00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:39,631 - Well, you can buy some more, right? 176 00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:41,629 - And are you gonna give me the $10 for another pill? 177 00:06:41,709 --> 00:06:43,209 - $10? I thought it was $5. 178 00:06:43,291 --> 00:06:45,791 - Sometimes they're $10. 179 00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:47,285 - Fine, I will give you $10 180 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:49,125 but I wanna have sex right now. It's been months. 181 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,128 - But I haven't peed yet and it's gonna sting. 182 00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:52,128 - What? 183 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:53,998 - Yeah... 184 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:58,173 the 2nd Chance Pill by Dr. Thurgood Carver. 185 00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:00,580 [chuckles] 186 00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:02,377 Yeah, works so well, you'll be saying, 187 00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:06,498 "Hell, maybe we was wrong about that Dr. Thurgood Carver. 188 00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:09,173 "Yeah, maybe we owe that guy an apology. 189 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:12,170 "And his license to practice medicine again. 190 00:07:12,250 --> 00:07:14,880 And his office too." [soft dramatic music] 191 00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:16,629 But it'll too late. Yeah. 192 00:07:16,709 --> 00:07:19,329 See, 'cause I already got all your names on my shit list. 193 00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:22,077 [blows air] I like the sound of that. 194 00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:24,666 Yeah, I'm gonna land on my feet. 195 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:27,580 And you'll all be sorry. You'll see. 196 00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:29,667 You'll all see. 197 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,000 ♪ ♪ 198 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:33,333 With my 2nd Chance Pill. 199 00:07:34,625 --> 00:07:36,165 - It's not just about the sex. 200 00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:38,170 When was the last time we even went somewhere nice? 201 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:41,500 - We're somewhere nice now. Look, this is nice. 202 00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:43,043 - This does not count. 203 00:07:43,125 --> 00:07:44,375 Your apartment is right upstairs. 204 00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,168 I could call your Alexa from here. 205 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,880 - So what? You wanna be like all your friends on Instagram 206 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:51,209 posting pictures of fancy restaurants and vacations 207 00:07:51,291 --> 00:07:53,001 pretending to be in a perfect relationship? 208 00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:55,383 - Yes! Of course! 209 00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:57,078 What's so bad about that? 210 00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:59,416 - It's not real. All of that's fake. 211 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:01,670 - At least they're being fake on a beach in Tulum 212 00:08:01,750 --> 00:08:04,000 and not arguing at a bar in their lobby. 213 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:05,543 - Fine. If you wanna be a Instagram thot, 214 00:08:05,625 --> 00:08:08,035 I can't stop you. - God, you are so annoying. 215 00:08:08,125 --> 00:08:09,535 - If you wanna be like all your friends, 216 00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:11,745 go get yourself a fake butt and a OnlyFans 217 00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,794 and spread your cheeks for Bitcoins and likes. 218 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,125 I don't care. 219 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,915 Oh, I don't-- I don't do social media. 220 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,380 Well, first of all, nothing's real there. 221 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,538 It's like one of them fast food commercials. 222 00:08:22,625 --> 00:08:24,205 You know, you see, like, a Arby's commercial, 223 00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:27,081 and they're like, "Arby's has filet mignon!" 224 00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:29,036 and you're like, "How's that fuckin' possible?" 225 00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:31,075 And you see the picture of the filet mignon 226 00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:32,076 and it looks amazing. 227 00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:33,456 You're like, "What the fuck? 228 00:08:33,542 --> 00:08:34,672 "How does Arby's have filet mignon? 229 00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,630 This is impossible. For $2?" 230 00:08:36,709 --> 00:08:39,249 And then you go to fuckin' Arby's 231 00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,503 and you see the filet mignon 232 00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,213 and it looks like shit in person. 233 00:08:42,291 --> 00:08:44,081 You're like, "Oh, yeah, that's right, this is Arby's. 234 00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:46,456 Why did I believe that this would be anything different?" 235 00:08:46,542 --> 00:08:47,712 That's exactly what it's like 236 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:49,832 meeting somebody from Instagram. 237 00:08:55,166 --> 00:08:57,746 - I think that's the only healthy way to deal with it. 238 00:08:57,834 --> 00:09:00,464 Now, if you're looking for a McChicken, 239 00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:01,922 then go get a McChicken. 240 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,290 - Why you always gotta come for my friends? 241 00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:06,785 I don't talk about them trash niggas you hanging out with. 242 00:09:06,875 --> 00:09:09,745 - Because my trash niggas ain't tryna break us up. 243 00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,964 They like you. 244 00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:14,421 - How did you expect this to end? 245 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,290 - I don't know. I thought you wanted to get married. 246 00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,955 - To you? [laughs] 247 00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,791 - Yeah. Why you say it like that? 248 00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:23,785 - Che, there are a million reasons 249 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:25,285 why we cannot get married. 250 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:28,665 [excited applause] [drum roll] 251 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:29,830 [upbeat music] 252 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,287 - Welcome back 253 00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:33,455 to "Couples Feud: Wedding Edition." 254 00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:34,672 Before the break... 255 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,500 - We got Grace's Insta Hoe Friends. 256 00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:39,383 - And we got Michael and his Trash Niggas. 257 00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:40,458 Michael and friends: Yeah! 258 00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:42,082 Grace and friends: Boo! 259 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:45,286 - Name one reason why these two shouldn't be together. 260 00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:47,165 - She could be with somebody way cuter. 261 00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:48,790 [audience exclaiming] - Don't listen to her, yo. 262 00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:50,285 You're cute, yo. Your whole body cute. 263 00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:52,285 - Thank you! - He always got on a hoodie 264 00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:53,745 and some sneakers everywhere. 265 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,294 He's just a asshole, Steve. 266 00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:57,625 - Show me the boy's an asshole. 267 00:09:57,709 --> 00:09:59,829 [buzzer blares] guys: [imitating buzzer] 268 00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:01,577 - All right, mama. We comin' to you. 269 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,627 - Uh, maybe he just drinks too much? 270 00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:05,169 - That's a good point, she got me. 271 00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:07,540 - Let me see your boy's a fall-down drunk. 272 00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:08,665 [buzzer blares] - What? 273 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,080 [jeers and applause] 274 00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:11,826 - All right, Grace. 275 00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:14,167 We got one answer left on the board. 276 00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:16,750 Now if you get it right, you win the argument. 277 00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:19,884 You don't get it right, the Trash Niggas could steal. 278 00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:21,169 - You know what I'm sayin'? 279 00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:22,710 - I'm gonna repeat the question. 280 00:10:22,792 --> 00:10:27,042 Name one reason y'all two shouldn't be together. 281 00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:30,535 [dramatic suspenseful music] 282 00:10:30,625 --> 00:10:31,995 - Okay. I got it, Steve. 283 00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:34,463 I'm gonna say "He Doesn't Love Me." 284 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,582 [bell rings] [cheers and applause] 285 00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:37,877 - What? Of course I love you. 286 00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:39,579 - Then how come you never say it? 287 00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:41,497 - We say it to each other all the time. 288 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,293 - Nigga, when? 289 00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:44,375 I love you. 290 00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:46,128 - All right, woman. 291 00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:48,248 - I love you, babe. 292 00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:49,463 - You're so gay. 293 00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,672 I fuckin' love Stone Cold. 294 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,540 - I loveyou. 295 00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:56,035 - What? 296 00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:57,665 - Psh, forget it. 297 00:10:57,750 --> 00:11:00,630 - What? - [sighs] You're so stupid. 298 00:11:00,709 --> 00:11:01,919 - What? [chuckles] 299 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,380 Like Stone Cold does. 300 00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:05,038 [bell rings] 301 00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:07,665 I say "I love you" all the time, just 302 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,210 not to anyone I'm dating. 303 00:11:10,291 --> 00:11:12,501 When you say, "I love you" to a girl, it's a-- 304 00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:14,003 you're signing a contract. 305 00:11:14,083 --> 00:11:15,673 You have to live up to that shit. 306 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,960 Like, I've never told my mother, "I love you" 307 00:11:18,041 --> 00:11:20,631 and she was like, "Prove it." 308 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,750 - So what are some ways to identify hoes? 309 00:11:25,834 --> 00:11:28,214 Just raise your hands if you know the answer. 310 00:11:28,291 --> 00:11:29,921 Don't be shy. 311 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,920 What about you? 312 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,250 What's your name? - Michael. 313 00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:38,173 - Can you guess something that a hoe might do? 314 00:11:39,709 --> 00:11:42,079 - Um, sleep around? 315 00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:43,666 - Yes, that's a good answer. 316 00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:47,330 Let's put that on the board as number one. 317 00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,537 "Sleep around." 318 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:51,625 Anybody else? 319 00:11:51,709 --> 00:11:52,579 - They lie. 320 00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:54,287 - That is a great answer. 321 00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:56,495 I know a bunch of lyin'-ass hoes. 322 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:59,133 Let's make that number one instead. 323 00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:04,668 And let's also put "call me crazy 324 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:08,460 "'cause I bought her a pager 325 00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:09,672 "just to know 326 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:14,130 where she is all the time." 327 00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:17,328 [quirky dramatic music] 328 00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:19,457 - A lot of girls are going missing lately. 329 00:12:19,542 --> 00:12:20,962 - That's right. 330 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,631 [toilet flushes] - ♪ Cha, cha, wow, watch me! ♪ 331 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:26,249 [singing to self] 332 00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:39,415 Hey, man, what's your problem? 333 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,040 - What? - We do this every time. 334 00:12:42,125 --> 00:12:43,995 I try to turn the water on for you 335 00:12:44,083 --> 00:12:45,793 and you turn it on instead. 336 00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:49,625 I try to dry you off and you use the damn machine. 337 00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:52,289 Look, I'm trying to work here. 338 00:12:52,375 --> 00:12:54,245 Did I do something to you? 339 00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,253 - No, man. I just don't need this. 340 00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,753 - Well, I do! 341 00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,384 - Look, you right. I'm just-- 342 00:13:00,458 --> 00:13:03,498 I'm just going through something right now, man. 343 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,173 - Look... 344 00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:08,250 I can't help you if you don't let me in. 345 00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:11,293 - [sighs] It's just... 346 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:12,995 everything's falling apart. 347 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:14,293 - You want some cologne? 348 00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,375 - And I know it's my fault, but I-- 349 00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:16,748 - You want a condom? 350 00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:18,384 - How did I get here? 351 00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:20,038 - Most likely, you had a shit. 352 00:13:20,125 --> 00:13:21,745 You was drinking straight bourbon all night 353 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:25,214 and that stuff will tear up your insides. 354 00:13:25,291 --> 00:13:26,881 - It wasn't always like this. 355 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:28,579 [peaceful music] - [laughing] 356 00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:32,037 - I know, right? [indistinct chatter] 357 00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,245 - Can I start you off with some water? 358 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,673 - Uh, yeah, actually. 359 00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:37,920 But with bourbon and no water. - [laughs] 360 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,540 You so silly. 361 00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:40,825 So how do you know this place? 362 00:13:40,917 --> 00:13:42,667 - I actually live right upstairs. 363 00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:44,170 - Seriously? - Yeah. 364 00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,040 - You bring your dates here all the time, huh? 365 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,535 - Oh, no. No, no, no, no. That-- 366 00:13:47,625 --> 00:13:49,955 come on, that'd be gross. - Mm-hmm? 367 00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:52,041 - Let me get myself out of this, uh... 368 00:13:52,125 --> 00:13:53,495 what kind of guys do you date? 369 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,503 Do you date, like, rappers and ball players? 370 00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:56,753 - Nah. 371 00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,424 Why would you think that? - I don't know. 372 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,750 I just see you as somebody that's mad successful. 373 00:14:00,834 --> 00:14:02,544 - I've gone on one date with a rich guy. 374 00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:05,285 It was...interesting. 375 00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:06,665 [laughter] 376 00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:10,080 And so I had to walk home soaked in fruit pulp 377 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,496 - [laughing] Oh, no. 378 00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:12,793 - And it wasn't even the actual Gallagher. 379 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:15,625 - [laughing] That is so funny. 380 00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:17,669 - [chuckles] 381 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:20,750 - I like you. - Oh, good. 382 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,084 - Pardon me for being so forward, 383 00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:23,456 but I'd like to go home with you. 384 00:14:23,542 --> 00:14:24,882 - [chuckles] Whoa. Slow down, man. 385 00:14:24,959 --> 00:14:26,419 We just got here. 386 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,670 - I want you badly. 387 00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:30,130 Look, I know what you're thinking, 388 00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,708 but I actually pride myself in the fact 389 00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:33,212 I can make a woman climax with cunnilingus. 390 00:14:33,291 --> 00:14:34,421 - What now? - Cunnilingus? 391 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,830 The art of performing oral sex? 392 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,327 - No, I got it. Where is this coming from? 393 00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:39,707 - I know what you're thinking, 394 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,172 but I love everything about it. - Uh-uh. 395 00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:42,670 - The taste, the aroma, the conquer. 396 00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,130 I would devour you. 397 00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:45,748 - The conquer? - I know what you're thinking, 398 00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:47,294 but I never get tired down there. 399 00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:48,665 I can do it all night long. 400 00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:50,130 - Stop saying you know what I'm thinking. 401 00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:51,418 - I'd like to enjoy your vagina 402 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:52,710 like I enjoy my cigarettes. 403 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,042 Right down to the butt. 404 00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:56,825 - What the fuck is wrong with you? 405 00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,247 - Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. 406 00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:01,173 - Well, you did, you fuckin' creep. 407 00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:02,960 - I apologize. 408 00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:05,291 I don't go on a lot of first dates. 409 00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:06,995 I know what you're thinking, but... 410 00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:11,083 pretty girls like you don't go out with guys like me. 411 00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:14,286 I'm sorry. I should leave. 412 00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:21,077 - Hey, wait. 413 00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:23,831 - Change your mind? 414 00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:26,167 - So what about you? What kind of girls do you date? 415 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:27,580 - I know what you're thinking. 416 00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:29,497 "Oh, this guy probably dates all the models 417 00:15:29,583 --> 00:15:31,833 and actresses--" - No, I don't see that. 418 00:15:31,917 --> 00:15:34,327 - Well, I mean, I have dated models before, but I-- 419 00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:37,077 - I see you with somebody, like, nerdy. 420 00:15:37,166 --> 00:15:38,496 - Oh. 421 00:15:38,583 --> 00:15:40,713 - You know, somebody that, like, gets your jokes. 422 00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:43,462 - Oh. [chuckles] Oh, okay. - [laughs] 423 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:48,002 - I've never known a relationship was over first. 424 00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,383 There's been so many times 425 00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:50,788 I've been in a argument with a girl 426 00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,325 where I thought everything was fine 427 00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:56,327 and she was like, "This is fucking stagnant." 428 00:15:56,417 --> 00:16:00,707 And then understand, "Oh, yeah. Right. 429 00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,042 This is done." 430 00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:03,245 - All right, Trash Niggas. 431 00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,963 It's your chance to take the board. 432 00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:08,041 Name one reason why these two shouldn't be together. 433 00:16:08,125 --> 00:16:10,455 - He probably ain't tappin' her right, Steve. 434 00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:12,002 - She belong to the streets, Steve. 435 00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:13,503 - Yo mama belong to the streets. 436 00:16:13,583 --> 00:16:15,333 - And she be slappin' the shit out of him. 437 00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:16,247 - Hey. 438 00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,583 - That was one time. 439 00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,247 - Wish somebody would hit my ass. 440 00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,423 - All right. 441 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,040 - All right, Mike. It's all on you. 442 00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:24,035 Name one reason why you two shouldn't be together. 443 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:26,665 - Well, first of all, Steve, we should be together. 444 00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:28,580 [audience groans] - Bitch-ass niggas. 445 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,957 - But I'ma go on my own... [dramatic music] 446 00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:34,131 And say that she's being too dramatic. 447 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,538 - Good answer! [audience oohs and ahhs] 448 00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:37,535 - Dramatic? - What? 449 00:16:37,625 --> 00:16:39,035 - As usual. 450 00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:40,495 You know how she-- 451 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,253 - You sure you wanna go with that answer, son? 452 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,003 - [scoffs] You think I'm being dramatic? 453 00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:46,043 - Yes. - After everything I just said, 454 00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:47,875 after I pour my heart out to you 455 00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:52,419 and tell you that I'm unhappy, you say I'm being dramatic? 456 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,250 - Okay, so now you're gonna start crying, 457 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:56,463 you're gonna flip out, hit me in my nose again, 458 00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:58,632 make me out to be the bad guy, right? 459 00:16:58,709 --> 00:17:00,249 This is why I don't say shit. 460 00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:03,003 [piano music playing] 461 00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:04,753 Oh, what? You're not gonna flip out? 462 00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:08,634 - I can't put any more into this. 463 00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:10,129 - So you're done? 464 00:17:10,208 --> 00:17:13,288 - We're done. 465 00:17:13,375 --> 00:17:15,285 - I thought you loved me. 466 00:17:15,375 --> 00:17:18,875 - Michael, you don't even know how you wanna be loved. 467 00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:24,129 ♪ ♪ 468 00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:25,498 - I'll be right back. 469 00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:27,003 [rhythmic clapping] 470 00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:30,173 - Okay, son, it looks like you fuckin' up real bad. 471 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,080 - Yeah, it does. - Every time Grace tries 472 00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:33,956 to make things right, you seem to make it worse. 473 00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:36,211 - Yeah, I get that, I get that. - Get all these answers right, 474 00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:38,751 maybe she'll see that you care about this relationship 475 00:17:38,834 --> 00:17:41,794 and that she didn't waste her damn time with your dumb ass. 476 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:42,995 - Whoo! Let's go. 477 00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,503 - I asked you, "Name a city 478 00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:47,833 where Grace has always wanted you to take her." 479 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:48,997 You said... 480 00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:50,083 [electronic chime] 481 00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,786 That shit in Mexico...pass. 482 00:17:51,875 --> 00:17:52,955 [audience exclaims softly] - Yeah. 483 00:17:53,041 --> 00:17:54,631 I don't remember specifically. 484 00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,459 I messed that one up, but I know it begins with a C. 485 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:57,672 I couldn't remember the exact-- 486 00:17:57,750 --> 00:17:59,460 - We were looking for a Tulum. 487 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:00,752 Tulum. - Tulum, Tulum. 488 00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:02,544 - Don't sound like a damn C to me. 489 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,575 - By the sea. 490 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,167 - We asked you, "Name Grace's favorite singer." 491 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:08,290 You said... 492 00:18:08,375 --> 00:18:10,165 that ugly dude with the six pack 493 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,580 and light eyes. Fuck. Pass. 494 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,707 - I don't remember his name. That's mostly right. 495 00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:17,832 - I asked you, "What is Grace's zodiac sign?" 496 00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:19,747 - Oh, my God. He don't know. - He don't know. 497 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:21,384 - [chuckling] Your ass said spring. 498 00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:23,168 - I blanked. That was just, like, a brain fart. 499 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:25,540 - I asked you, "Name her favorite movie." 500 00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:27,245 But honestly, it's not even on this card. 501 00:18:27,333 --> 00:18:29,173 I just wanted you to get something right. 502 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:31,500 You know what your ass said? You said... 503 00:18:31,583 --> 00:18:33,003 "Naked and Afraid." 504 00:18:33,083 --> 00:18:35,133 [audience exclaiming softly] That's a goddamn TV show. 505 00:18:35,208 --> 00:18:37,248 Just for fun, do you like that show? 506 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,543 - No, Steve. 507 00:18:38,625 --> 00:18:40,625 - What? You always watch that show. 508 00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:42,749 -You'realways watching it. 509 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:44,464 I just like to cuddle next to you. 510 00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:47,832 [audience exclaiming] - Damn. 511 00:18:47,917 --> 00:18:51,627 - So you see, kids, hoes can be anybody. 512 00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:53,789 You think you're meeting someone nice, 513 00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:54,995 but they're not nice. 514 00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:56,713 They're hoes. 515 00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:58,332 They act like they love you. 516 00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:02,917 They don't love you. They only love themselves. 517 00:19:04,792 --> 00:19:07,462 - Alexa, play something sad. 518 00:19:07,542 --> 00:19:09,252 - Playing something sad. 519 00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:12,923 [R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts"] - ♪ Everybody cries ♪ 520 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,750 [moody acoustic guitar music] - [sighs] 521 00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,044 ♪ ♪ 522 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:20,165 ♪ Everybody hurts ♪ 523 00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:21,540 ♪ ♪ 524 00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:24,038 - ♪ Sometimes ♪ - ♪ Sometimes ♪ 525 00:19:24,125 --> 00:19:25,875 Come on, you know the words. 526 00:19:25,959 --> 00:19:27,209 ♪ ♪ 527 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,461 - And they will use you and use you 528 00:19:29,542 --> 00:19:31,752 till you don't have no more to give. 529 00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:33,714 And they on to the next. 530 00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:35,082 - ♪ Sometimes ♪ 531 00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:37,666 - So don't fall for any of they tricks. 532 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:41,080 Just say no to hoes. 533 00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:43,496 So when you see a hoe, what are you gonna do? 534 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,753 all: Run! 535 00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:46,834 - That's right. [children giggling] 536 00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:48,997 As fast as you can. 537 00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:52,963 - ♪ Hold on ♪ 538 00:19:53,041 --> 00:19:54,631 ♪ Ho-- ♪ [notification chimes] 539 00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:56,249 - Hey, Che. 540 00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,213 - Oh, hey. 541 00:19:57,291 --> 00:19:58,461 - Sorry I'm late. 542 00:19:58,542 --> 00:20:01,212 - No, it's fine, it's fine. Sit down. 543 00:20:01,291 --> 00:20:03,631 - I love this place. - Yes. 544 00:20:03,709 --> 00:20:04,829 - Good job. 545 00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:06,247 - You guys wanna order something? 546 00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:07,713 - Um, I'll just take a water right now. 547 00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,582 - I'll do a water as well. 548 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:13,787 But with bourbon and no water. - [laughs] 549 00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:15,285 Funny. - It is funny. 550 00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:17,125 See? It was funny. - Oh, he didn't feel it. 551 00:20:17,208 --> 00:20:20,168 [funk music] 552 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:27,420 ♪ ♪ 553 00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:32,020 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0